Misplaced apostrophes are usually the first sign that things will go awfully awry. They’re also the last sign if you know what’s good for you and run far, far away because you know that anyone who abuses apostrophes will probably abuse other things as well. Like power. And delusion quotas.
That, my friends, is what I encountered when I visited kasichforohio.com. John Kasich is the Republican candidate for Governor of Ohio, and his campaign site is all kinds of ridiculous. That particular message no longer appears, but if you’re looking for more grammatical errors and questionable writing, you won’t be disappointed. If you’re looking for anything else (like maybe logical takes on issues or solid solutions to Ohio’s problems?), you’ll experience the disappointment of your life.
Kasich has only outlined one of his plans in depth so far: JobsOhio, an organization he wants to create to replace Ohio’s current Department of Development, which more or less manages Ohio’s economy. According to his campaign website, a “board of directors comprised of CEOs will be an important asset for selling the state at the highest levels.” Why, yes, that sounds like a fantastic plan. Let’s put taxpayer money in the hands of corporate CEOs. Let’s reduce transparency. Let’s wipe out the majority of the Department of Development’s current employees and leave them unemployed in the process of eliminating unemployment because we want a corporation with a new name and business interests but no concrete and workable plan for Ohio’s economy.
That’s not all. Kasich wants to use taxpayer money to award these new CEOs undisclosed bonuses. SERIOUSLY?! And he wants to reduce spending and apparently believes that “special interests must stop saying how Ohio taxpayers’ money is spent.” RIGHT.
His thoughts on healthcare, agriculture, a balanced budget, education, and job training are all pretty vague and innocuous, so I won’t go into any of that. I mean, every political candidate for every political position ever repeats the same drivel about improving everything, but few have plausible plans.
You’ll notice, though, that Kasich also stands for “The Sanctity of Life” and “Supporting Ohio’s Statesmen.” Yes, it’s as bad as it sounds. He and Mary Taylor support banning the morning-after pill, eliminating federal funding for abortion, and overturning Roe v. Wade. Yeah. I have no words. They also support easier access to guns and believe that greater personal responsibility will make everything all fine and good. Yeah, okay, Strickland also wants to preserve the Second Amendment. Wait, but Kasich cites his multiple endorsements from the NRA from back when he served in Congress, but the NRA endorses Strickland in this election!
Current polls show that Kasich holds a slight lead over Strickland. I want that to change. I want to encourage any Ohioans who come across this to reelect Ted Strickland, because his platform makes more sense to me (renewable energy; job creation through energy initiatives, revival of urban areas, better logistics and distribution; more affordable college education; nothing about taking away women’s rights; etc.) — but what you guys really need to do is research the issues for yourselves and cast an informed vote on November 2.
Or, if you’re not going to cast an informed vote, at least vote for the candidate whose campaign staff knows how to use apostrophes.
Stay tuned for Part II of why misplaced apostrophes serve as great warnings. It won’t involve politics, I promise.